Using your Senses Mindfully to Reduce Stress

Having spent the past several years working primarily with teens and their parents, it has become clear to me that not only is stress increasing for our teens, but they also don't have enough healthy ways to manage it. The coping skills that many of them are currently utilizing - isolating from friends, pushing family away, engaging in self-harming or self-destructive behaviors like cutting, drinking, and drugs - are not healthy and NOT effective.

So often this stress comes from anxiety about the future ("How will I ever get my homework done?" "Am I going to college?" "What if nobody takes me to prom?") and/or from ruminating on the past ("Will my friend ever forgive me for what I said last week?" "How will I pass math with a test score like the one I just got?"). 

Mindfulness skills improve our awareness of both our own self and our world. These skills teach us to make wise decisions, avoid judgments, and focus on one thing at a time. They are considered the core skills and used with all other DBT skills. Mindfulness allows us to slow down and focus on what is happening in the present moment. The concept of mindfulness can feel overwhelming, so starting with mindfully engaging your senses is a good place to begin.

How can you use your senses mindfully?

• Engage your 5 senses!
  • Take a bite of food as you normally would. Now take a bite mindfully, paying attention to how it actually tastes and what it feels like in your mouth.
  • Listen to your favorite song as you normally would. Now listen to it mindfully, really paying attention to the music and lyrics.
  • Notice how the couch feels when you sit down at the end of the day
  • Pay attention to scents you might normally overlook. for example, the scent of autumn when you are outside
  • Be aware of your surroundings and what you see, for example, on your drive to work or school

How can this help?

• When we are mindful, we can:
  • Notice our thoughts without being overwhelmed
  • Avoid making impulsive decisions
  • Appreciate and enjoy fun things
  • Feel more calm and less stressed

Give it a try and see if you can notice a difference!

Raising Strong Women

I was reading a book recently by Anea Bogue and how to empower young girls. She mentioned a statistic in the book: that girls' self-esteem peaks at age nine. NINE! After which, for most girls, it plummets. That statistic is so incredible to me. Where are we, as a society, going wrong? How are we raising generations of young women who feel incompetent, inadequate, and unworthy?

The thing is, the messages these girls are receiving are usually not ill-intentioned; they unfortunately come from us being unaware or uninformed. They come from us as parents, family members, educators, and therapists. They come from the movies, TV, and magazines our girls see. The good news is, since we have created these messages, we can change them! Here are five simple ways we can start this change toward raising the self esteem of our daughters and reminding them of their inherent strength.

• Pay attention to what your daughter is reading and watching. Movies, books, and fairy tales usually send a very similar message: a damsel in distress needs a strong man to save her from an ugly villain (who usually happens to be a woman - think Ursula from The Little Mermaid or the mother in Tangled). Find books and movies that show a strong female main character. And if your daughter wants to watch movies or read books that send a questionable message, talk to her about that. Have conversations about what she's exposed to and what messages it could send.

• Praise your daughter for more than her looks. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter she is beautiful. But also tell her that she's smart, and strong, and kind, and that she can do anything she wants. And tell her every day!

• Don't save her when things get tough. Teach her how to change a flat tire and to stand up for herself with peers or romantic interests. She needs to know that she can save herself. If she has a dad or brother who "protects" her or saves her, she's learning she can't do it on her own.

• Teach your sons these same things! A big part of this change is raising our sons with the same kind of message: that girls are strong and can take care of themselves. We want girls to see themselves as competent, adequate, and worthy. But we want boys to see girls that way too! Added bonus? It would take some of the pressure off boys to become society's definition of a "man."

• Dads, be a part of this conversation, too. What better introduction to being a capable woman than to get the message at the start from her father.

We all do the best we can with what we have, right? But when we know better, we do better. Let's do better for our girls.

If you are interested in learning more about groups to empower young girls, click here.

If you are interested in additional resources on this topic, click here.