In one of my teen groups this week, the girls had shared a general "down" feeling - the school year is under way, which means an increase in stress and peer conflicts.
We started talking about how to feel better when we can't control the people or circumstances around us. So I introduced two ways to "fake it til you make it."
1. Dress for the way you want to feel
- Ever feel sick and want to just wear sweats? Me too! But I noticed that I actually feel worse when I dress like that if I'm not feeling well. So the next time I felt sick I decided to wear nice clothes - like nicer than I normally wear. And it actually improved my mood!
- The next time you're sick, or feeling down, try it. Wear the opposite of what you want to and see how your mood improves!
2. The DBT skill "half smile." Here's how to try it!
- Relax your body and facial muscles.
- Allow yourself to make a very small smile. People looking at you probably won't even notice it! A big grin will tell your brain that you might be forcing it, so instead just allow your lips to curl up ever so slightly.
- Keep it like that while you take a few deep breaths.
- Research says that this can increase your mood if you practice it for as little as 10 minutes!
- So... practice it every morning, and when you are upset, and when you are bored, and any other time you want to give your brain a pick-me-up!
How does this work?
Because our behavior and emotions are inter-connected! When we experience a positive emotion, like joy, we smile as a consequence of that joy. When we feel good about ourselves, we dress in clothes that reflect that.
Emotion (joy)--> behavior (smile/dressing nicely)
But research says that it works the other way, too. Make an angry face and you will feel mad. Take short, shallow breaths and you can feel panic. Dress in the clothes you hate and you will feel miserable. Smile and you can feel joy!
Behavior (half smile/dressing nicely) --> Emotion (joy)!
Basically, we are engaging the behavior in order to promote the emotion. Or, as I tell my groups, "faking it 'til we make it!"
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